About Mindful Relating

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There is a common assumption among couples that their problems need to be solved in order for them to get along. Mindful- Relating believes that this premise could at best smooth out issues temporarily. Often when a solution has been found to solve one particular problem, another problem emerges and when a solution is found for this apparent new problem, again a new issue appears. Looking at relationships as problems to be solved reinforces patterns of interaction that get couples further down the rabbit hole. Therefore, rather than looking at relationships as problems to be solved, Hedy Schleifer (world-renowned relationship expert ) invites couples to look at relationships as “an adventure to be embraced”, “ a mystery to be understood” or a “gift to be unpacked”.  

A map also provides couples with both a destination and directions. The destination is the dream vision of what couples aspire for in their relationship. Mindful-Relating believes that change happens when couples start to align themselves and consciously engage in behaviors that move them toward their dreams.  

Directions allow couples to explore and navigate safely in unknown and difficult territories and discover a deeper truth about themselves and each other. With these discoveries comes the realization of where they are and what they need to do to recreate and/or repair their connection.

Every couple in a relational impasse will tell you how much they have tried to communicate and how communication has become a core issue. They do not know that 92 percent of communication is non-verbal and happens in very subtle ways and they are not aware of how they trigger each other in reacting in very predictable ways.  A common pattern that could lead to a relational impasse is for example: The more he/she angrily controls and the more resentfully helpless he/she acts and the more resentfully helpless she/he acts the more she/he angrily controls.  

Mindful-Relating guides couples to become aware of their own particular cycles of self-defeating behaviors, which lead them to painful downward spirals. Once the couple is awakened to this reality, they are guided to practice mindful-relating communication.  Couples learn the ways to feel heard, understood, and validated by their spouses/partners and create joy in their relationship.  

Another basic assumption of Mindful-Relating is the idea of “Sacred Space”; The idea of “Sacred space” is much more than “safe space”. It refers to regarding the other person in its essence, fundamental internal goodness and dignity”. When the “sacred space “ is honored in the relationship, couples start to move beyond their power struggles and toward mature Love.